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Thursday, March 17, 2005

 
Crispy
I do believe I have well and truly reached the stage of being utterly burned out on my current grad school life. The classes I'm taking this semester even have interesting topics, but I can't muster enough energy to actually be interested. I've just had too many classes in these past two years that I had to take because I had to, and not more than 2 that I actually had any interest in taking outside of them being requirements.

I blame a lot of my ennui on the fact that my assistantship restricts me to taking 9 credits, and those credits must be in my degree field. If I could afford to take classes outside of those 9 credits on my own, I'd probably have enough money that I wouldn't be bothering to be a TA in the first place. Maybe I'm being stubborn, but I refuse to put myself in the position of having student loans, when I have gotten so far in my life without having any at all. But I really do think that my entire quality of life and general outlook on this TESOL program would be vastly improved by just one thing.

I want to be able to take foreign language classes again. Plain and simple.

These two years have been the first in my life without foreign language since 6th grade. Foreign language classes were what got me through high school still sane; second and third languages on the side saw me through my Spanish major by keeping the love fresh; they inspired me to experience everything I have in my life that I consider worthwhile of late; they made me want to go to grad school in the first place; they gave me a direction in life.

Without any access to foreign language classes for two years, I feel like I have lost my direction. There is no one class that can spark my interest enough to get through all the ones I consider mostly pointless. There is nothing reminding me why I thought this was a good idea in the first place. There is no inspiration. All I'm left with is the grim determination to hold on long enough to finish all this busy-work crap that I'm required to do to get my piece of paper and get the hell out.

This is not what I want my life to be.

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